That’s been me for the past four months. Sub out the beer for a glass of wine or a martini, and the remote for ANYTHING delicious and fattening. I have been contemplating writing this post for a month or so now, but I had to make sure that I was really done with my post wedding spree. I’d hate to bore you with another fantastic resolution that I fail to keep for one week – yet again.

Before I get into the food part of this, I’ll update you on our summer, because it sure got busy! We had a lot of great family time, including an engagement party and an extended weekend on Martha’s Vineyard. James and I went to Orlando (he worked, I played). AND we went to Maryland about a hundred times — and will be going twice more this month before we actually move. It’s been really exciting to see the house as it turns from a structure of sticks and cement into a gorgeous, roofed and walled home. We’ve been back and forth with contractors, lenders, and have also been trying to get something to lay a hook into our current place. The house in Maryland is one month ahead of schedule, so instead of closing at the  end of October, we are closing at the end of this month! That means, between now and the 30th, we’ve got to either rent or sell this house, pack it all up, and relocate. So, I’m definitely not anticipating any extra time on my hands. We’re both super excited though, and cannot WAIT to move –  though we’ll truly miss our neighbors!

I quit my job a little before I had anticipated I would, but it works out because I need to be here packing this place up anyway. Now that my schedule is my own, there’s really no excuse to go on the way I’ve been going.

It’s been crazy, people. Crazy.

I’ve officially gained ten pounds since my wedding. Sure, I had a three week stint of super great exercising. Sure I tried to get back on my green smoothie for breakfast. Maybe it was my growing stockpile of elastic waist pants and tent-like shirts. Or maybe it was fun of going out to dinner 3-4 times a week. Maybe it was some sort of secret dare with myself. Who knows. The fact is, at some point this summer, the bottom really fell out and I didn’t rush around to go find it. I just let it happen.

And now, here I am, officially fat and jolly. Or rather, overweight and paranoid.

YES, paranoid.

This is me, talking to my husband as we pack for any trip:

S: Honey, do you think these pants (holds them up) make me look skinnier than these (holds up an nearly identical pair)?

J: (Deep breath in) I think you great in them both.

S: You’re lying to me! If you think I’m fat just tell me!

J: I don’t think you’re fat. Either pant will work.

S: Your friends are gonna take one look at me and think I’ve gotten huge!

J: You’re beautiful.

S: IF YOU LOVED ME YOU WOULD NOT LIE! (breaks down and eats something. Like a Kit Kat bar. With a glass of wine. Rawr)

As you can imagine, my poor husband has really had it with me and the fat stuff. In fact, in our most recent conversation about it (as per above) he told me that I do need to lose weight, because otherwise he’s going to lose his mind listening to me bitch and whine about it.

People, can you believe it took me 20 minutes, burning up the Orlando sun, to take off my wrap and get into the pool? Why, you might ask, did it take you so long? Well, I didn’t want to hurt the eyes around me by subjecting them to the blubberfest that is my thighs and ass. That’s right. It’s past the point of me being cool with a few pounds. This is actually inhibiting my life.

So I’m putting down the french fries. The Coke. The chocolate desserts. The white bread. The copious amounts of alcohol. I’ve been so ashamed of my eating choices this summer that I couldn’t bring myself to blog about any of the things I’ve eaten, no matter how delicious they were. I realize I’ve transitioned this blog from a healthy eating venue to more of a life journey, but I couldn’t get past it. And I didn’t want to put myself out there for judgement. But you know what? Life happens. Cheeseburgers happen. Sometimes you gain a few pounds.

The plan is super simple. Eat better and less + exercise. I’m really hoping to be down ten pounds by Thanksgiving, but if I’m down five by then, fine — at least it’s progress. I’ve already done my grocery shopping for the week, and have plenty of good things to choose from. I’m going back to my morning juices (an affordable mix of carrot, romaine, lemon, and ginger) and will have a protein smoothie once a day as a snack to keep my protein counts up. I’m sticking to fish because that’s what I’m in the mood for lately. Adding in the salads and allowing myself to eat the butter lettuce because I like it. I bought a big tub of nonfat frozen yogurt to have an occasional treat with. I’m going to drink 6 glasses of water a day — forget 8, I’ll start with 6 and see how it goes.

I’m looking forward to feeling better. I’ve been so bloated, tired, and icky feeling, and I know it’s a direct result of my diet. All the drinking has led to a mild case of acid reflux that I know will be gone within 2-3 days of eating normally.

So, that’s what is up with me. I’m still here and I’d love to hear from you — any tips that help you stay on track?